Saturday, April 29, 2017

Treasure those talents

As a Ketua Derjah, ada masalah negara pun, depan orang ko sengih macam kat rumah ada lima gobok wang tunai, 2 cincin Cartier dan satu beg tangan Birkin.

Naknya pulak tu bila ko lambat reply RSVP. halfway anak buah tanya boleh x fetch sebab husband tak bagi dia drive as she is high preg. Well, u dont even know where her house is n d meeting point tu pun ko x tau.

Her name is Dayah. Kalau dia mintak mokcik fetch kat Angkasa pun mokcik pergi kot coz she had done a great job so far.

D rep for Daerah yang lagi satu had given me headache n embarrassment.  Tiada huraian. Jangan ditambah bara yang disimpan kata ko...

Oh ye,  mokcik jadi Ketua Derjah untuk dua daerah. Jadi PR skills mokcik harus tiptop katanya... Cuma mokcik pun manusia biasa juga ada masa mokcik ingin pergi jauh ke Finland jika tak fikir nak beli teket pun mokcik x mampu...heh?

Jun dah sampai dulu.
D meeting started later on.

Compared Daerah yang lagi satu, sebelah sini sangat santai sebab Ayie, d leader is not ambitious. Dia jujur, yang tu saya respect.

Dont get me wrong, Daerah yang lagi satu pun saya suka juga. Make short, semua orang pun mokcik suka asalkan mereka tak bagi mokcik Anugerah   heh?

There r lenghty discussion over trivial matter. Mokcik dengar sahaja dan tak mungkin mencelah. As an NGO those political thingy does not interest me.

At 10.15P.m d meeting adjourned.
Barulah boleh bershellout katanya..

Mokcik lapauuuu..

I offered to take Jun home, jadi takder suaminya komplen balik lambat. Then, we off to Dayah's house in KMP. It was dark b spooky. 

"Kak jangan balik la.. tidur rumah Dayah. Dah malam sangat ni", Dayah kata. 

Kan saya dah kata, Dayah ni memang thoughtful sangat orangnya. Suaminya, Amin tu pun sama walaupun masing2 x banyak cakap. 

But nope. At my age, walaupun rumah saya takder mesin basuh (?) but I still want to sleep on my polka dot pinkish bed.

I planned to turn back n used d main road. Tapi malam,  saya tersilap ambik route,  ended up tersasar ke jalan Proton City yang deserted itu. Halfway, I had goosebump. 

Dan dan wajah seseorang muncul di depan mata. Dulu bila saya takut saya akan hubunginya dan dia akan kirimkan doa dan ayat untuk dibaca. 

Sedangkan sungai lagikan berubah, inikan pula hati orang...

Saya memandu laju. 
Saya takut.
Di depan semua orang saya harus acah2 berani dan cool.

Once home, I took d mask down. 
It is not easy being me, sometimes 😢


Sekian. 

Friday, April 28, 2017

Beratnya ujian ini😭😭

Bila dapat surat untuk terima anugerah, saya tanya Tie, why me?
She said I also contributed. I felt uneasy.

Mungkin saya terlalu poyo.
Years ago when I was chosen to receive an Anugerah saya pergi komplen sebab saya fikir tak sesuai sungguh saya yang terima instead of d Kids. I wrote it somewhere in d blog, yearssssss ago.

Saya fikir saya kena teguh dengan prinsip hidup.
I dont accept Charity.
If I m not up to d standard, saya sangat malu terima anugerah. Yang paling saya takuti ialah saya ambik hak orang.
As long as bukan saya yang terima anugerah, I will keep my mouth shut.
Gasaklah siapa yang menang pun..
Saya peduli pun tidak.

Tapi kot nama saya yang naik, tahanla telinga... Saya akan query habis. Sebab tu kot saya tak pernah dapat Anugerah di tempat kerja.
For that I m so thankful.

Untuk rekod saya dengan tak malunya suruh Encik A, ejaskan saya untuk satu Anugerah peringkat negeri.
"Saya fikir saya qualified", saya beritahu dia sambil kasi satu fail berisi dokumen berkaitan.

Encik A fikir pun begitu. Maka kami berusaha dalam rahsia. Saya kalah. Saya relaks, Encik A pun relaks. Kami tak sebut kepada sesiapa.
Tahun ini saya akan cuba lagi, kalau Anugerah itu wujud.

So Thats me.
Kalau saya fikir saya layak, berlari-lari saya mengejar.  Jika tidak layak, jangan diberi,  saya tak sudi.

Macam Anugerah yang inilah.

Saya cuba berhusnuzon.  at least menjaga hati orang yang menulis surat jemputan  itu.

Tapi pagi ini bila saya tengok details saya rasa nak menangis. Saya ingin memaki cuma siapa??????

Peningkatan 21% Lulus?
Peningkatan 16% getting good grades?

Oh great!!!
A week ago a visitor complained this batch is very weak, they r very passive.
Oh great!!!!
Jadi yang data increment segala tu mana datangnya???????
If d Kids r that weak...  Siapakah yang dikatakan 16% itu?
Saya tak terlibat langsung dalam ini filem... Kenapa saya pulak yang harus dibabitkan?????
Kenapalah?????????

I hv Choices though...
1. Naik pentas, terima, selfie n be a sport.
2. Talk to d upper echelon as something fishy which is quite close to abuse of power was taken place
3. Report d misconduct
4. Stay away, dont accept anything.

These r d consequences
1. Anyone might upload in d socmed, d officer might read, dia Puť two n two together, cerita tak tally, mokcik kena bombard, seumur kerjaya orang tak percaya lagi.

2. Dulu dah pernah buat, siap dengan evidence, mokcik dipulaukan bertahun dengan pre-text: kenapa aniaya Kawan2?

3. I did dulu. Mokcik kena pulau juga.

4. Mokcik akan dituduh ungrateful,  tak nak berkerjasama,  poyo, macam bagus ( d list goes on....)

Anyway I opt for #4.
I might be bahan caci maki for a year.
Setahun je kottt...
But then it is better than tanggung malu seumur hayat  dan nak menjawab di alam yang lagi satu nanti.

Cuma saya terfikir, how to Puť a stop to thIs clown-act?
Yang tu saya tak terfikir lagi.

"Sapa yang tag kat fb pasal Anugerah ni I will Block ya" saya beritahu pada Fid n Tie.

I mean it.


1 dibalas 20

Awal tahun Dew minta nota cara marking. Tentu saja saya kata "Boleh".
Sampai hari ini nota tu dah entah kemana saya letakkan. Dari sehari ke sehari kami janji nak berjumpa, sampai bulan April,  tak jumpa juga.

Semalam Dew kirim text, tanya kalau saya boleh kongsikan soalan exam Form 5.
"Mestilah boleh!!!", saya kata.

Bila ada WiFi,  saya terus send.

Alamak.. I stumbled with my task too.

"Nanti Tie send", Rosilawati offered. Saya suka!

"Akak, do you mind sharing PT3 past years questions?" saya terus text Ketua Pentaksir Kawasan.

Pagi ini bila saya buka mata, ada 20++ soalan PT3 dah dalam telegram.

For that, I am so grateful.
Aminnn...


Thursday, April 27, 2017

Another team...
I was greeted with a calling letter to manage d selection team yesterday. I scanned d committee list. Only two names I did not recognise, d rest I knew them personally. Some were very close.
Susah macam ni😨

"D u mind to help with d documents Tie?", I asked a teammate as mokcik bagai lalang ditiup angin rasanya...

"Saya pun tengah berkejar nak siapkan kerja saya juga.", dia jawab serius.
Saya suka.
Telus.

Yang acah2 Lindungan Kaabah mokcik dah acapkali terkena.

Little that I know,  behind my back she made another plan with Ruby for a back-up should mokcik getting worst. Mokcik sangat terharu okehhh, despite I know how busy they were.

Travelling to Batu Gajah Stadium yang jauhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh itu is no laughing matter when u r under d weather okehhh.

ThIs morning I woke up feeling dizzy n going to work is really a chore😢. Mokcik pun manusia biasa, ada hari ok, ada hari sangat tidak ok.

D first thing I did was asking a friend what time we shud leave.
" x jadi, kita main kat tempat lain", dia jawab.  Terus mokcik makan semangkuk sup panas pedas berapi sambil tersenyum manis. Hikssss...

"pukul berapa keluar? Dokumen saya dah siapkan", Tie tanya. Serius. She was rushing for a Quick brekkie.

"Tak jadi. Stadium fully booked, main dekat je", saya jawab. Senyum.

"Ye????", Tie senyum lebar.
"hikhikhikhikhik" we giggled.

Senyum makin lebar bila dia tau tak perlu relief kelas saya. Dah main dekat je, mohtip sangat nak tinggalkan kelas yang sejam tu je...

I just dropped d Girls off n stayed in d car for a while before did my errand. At 5, I came n fetched them. Out of 7 Kids, 5 were selected. Great!

Stayed Puť in d car, I did not go out n mingled. Goshhhhhh... I think I looked like someone whom I dont want to be(?)

This is not me, saya berkata kepada diri sendiri 😂

So on my way out, I stopped to each one of them,  thanked them profusely.

Dunia ni kecik je norizan nak menyombong dan mengelat tak bertempat.  Nanti pusing2 kau akan berjumpa orang yang sama juga.

Sekian karangan makcik.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Sakit itu penghapus dosa:) ( entry bosan, jangan baca)

Since Friday, I had been under d weather. Hujan turun mencurah, jalan banjir, mokcik kena reroute n drove like a maniac using an alternative way which was reported banjir juga d night before.

Orang lain relaks je using d same route despite had alternate using d middle lane. Pengalaman kawan2 mokcik sewaktu banjir besar kat Taman Sri Muda, Shah Alam in circa 90s made me extra careful.

It was raining d whole day. Terus mokcik menggigil. But on Saturday there is an event. I can always back off, tapi mokcik faham betapa seksanya my immediate bosses kalau tetiba guests x cukup n they r lack manpower to handle d event.

A day before that, Kak A board a train to send d Girls for a camp out of the town n she rushed back (by train too) to catch d rehearsals. I could see her tired face, n d boss worrisome expression fearing d Girls safety as no one can make it as a chaperone n thinking about d smoothness of d event which graced by the Royal Patron herself.

Dont get me wrong, so far d Royal Patron sangat sangat mudah berkerjasama dan menyenangkan . That is why my bosses bertahan pegang jawatan tu bertahun2 padahal saya yang balaci ni pun ada kala rasa tak terkejar nak siapkan tugasan.

Honestly, d boss had asked all of us to b d chaperone as they two have to handle d event. Unfortunately,  we couldnt, due to our hectic work schedule.

When we met at d entrance in d morning, we hugged n kissed like nothing happen. I know they r tired, tapi semua pun tersenyum gilang gemilang bima sakti.

"I can fetch d Girls esok Kak, as it is public holiday on Monday", mokcik offered.
As I wrote up there, they did most of d work during event, haruslah mokcik n others bantu seboleh yg mungkin.

"No need la.  Besok we both can go", she said, smiling. Yes she had Kids too, Just like u. She had ailing mother n husband to spend time with.
Just like u.
They dont take people for granted.

It is good though,  as d torential rain on my 2-hours Journey home made me shiverish even more.

Guessed d saw my feverish condition yesterday.  It warmed my heart because they really care n dont judge.

Sengaja saya tulis panjang dan tak letak gambar, hopefully by now whoever read this entry will click d X.

While writing this I cried bucket. Nope, Nope because of d feverish, sudden pain n cramp, those can be healed with painkillers😭😭😭

Dearest blog,
Suddenly I noticed TheOtherFriend had repeat his pattern.  He had been nothing except funny n caring friend with all his texts,  clips n pics.
After banyak kali terkena,  d final blow memang left me scarred for life.

I know I shouldnt think bad about others. As a true Muslim, we should love our brothers. I tried my best. God knows I tried😭😭😭😭

Then suddenly I found out on April 6 he sent text to our immediate boss,
"I couldnt contact Norizan, she didnt bring d handphone today.  So here is my suggestions for today meeting".

Maybe I did not bring d handphone on that day. Maybe sometimes I was short of data, or my batt conked out.
But he could contact me freely on various accounts. He did. We always keep in touch.

Why couldnt he informed me on d crucial matter as there r only two of us in d committee. It has been 16 days after his text to d boss, n two meetings later (which he failed to inform me his suggestions)  pun dia masih x ada niat to let me in d know. D event is less than 4 days.

A week ago, d upper echelon asked me, "Why do you carry on with the  Xxx?"

You see, it is in d schedule, n I had been off to take Kids for trips for 2 days, mestilah saya nak ganti masa yang tersisa tu...n I thought TheOtherFriend will b back during d event.

He always does, on Friday.

I just know he will be away until Friday last Friday.

Kalau saya tau awal, dari awal lagi saya took over his task.

 I used to do it, but he never seemed never remember, instead dia pergi sent text as I was a slacker.
Kan dia boleh bagi text kat fb or telegram as I could open it guna lappie.

Why sending msg as though saya ini sgt jahat dan tidak mahu berkerjasama.

D text message made me shaking.
Why?
The question keep nagging. Why He chose me to endure d backstabbing for years.

I wonder what his motive to continue playing dirty while maintaining friendly on d surfaced.

All d yesteryears incident with TheOtherFriend keep coming back.

Why oh why???
Perlu ke nak buat macam tu to show to others dia sangat hebat???  Sangat-sangat sampai sanggup buat apa saja.
Kenapa berpura2?

Please, it might be a mere harmless text message today,  tapi from experience he will manipulate it

Dearest blog,
Dont ask me to confront him. Matter will get worst, I just couldnt take it anymore. Besides, event-cap-ayam je, kenapa dia beria sangat nak buat begitu.
Bukan sekali... Saya sungguh tak tahan
😭😭

D bigger event as I wrote up there, takder pun orang sebok nak outdo one another.

Well, I stayed in hostel for whole my secondary life, no one bullied me. When I was in Uni, everyone was so nice,  even d lecturers called us Dears.

When I started working,  d kakak-kakak were very supportive n thoughtful.

I've been d Ketua Derjah for 4 posts so far, no one ever treated me badly. Maybe in d beginning yes, who wants Ketua yang jauh lebih muda dari mereka. In d end, semua pun hugs n kisses n now we r fast friends.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Oh maybe dat is his way, n he expected me not to judge.
I will..

I will not TheOtherFriend.
Buatlah apa saja.  Dont worry, I wont retaliate.  I wont ask either.

Meanwhile, I just want to sleep.

Good night TheOtherFriend
Hopefully bila bangun esok, kita berdua tidak akan berjumpa lagi, sehinggalah di Hari Perkiraan.

💌
Kengkawan







Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Be careful of what u wish for😭

I m referring to thIs entry

For Charity Trip tomorrow errrr technically,  today, we sent letters for donation.

One says, they need to oblige to auditors notes. Yang ni saya faham..
Another one, hari tu Yong dah sebut n they agreed to donate, tapi sampai ke hari ini bila jumpa pun buat2 bodo.
What a joke!!!

I juz don get it how people can be so thick-face. Because I cant.  Tak nak kasi sudahlah...
Mungkin ada rezeki yang lebih baik utk d Kids.

Jadi saya balik, singgah kedai n terus bake cuppies.  Tapi oven agak tak ok, maka cupcake tu pun agak kureng...

Saya dah rebus spaghetti n pasta. Kunci jam pukul 4, n esok saya akan masak.
Sambil2 potong buah..

Hari tu d host call n tanya hows our lunch. I told him we planned to bring.
" Kalau nak bawa takperlah... Ingatkan kami nak bagi", katanya...
Oh tuhan..

So I insisted for free lunch. Sengaja..

But still, we brought nasi lemak, kuihs n fruits. Langkah berjaga2..,

The gud thing, Yati managed to get d cheque on time. A bliss

Abaikan...

Sunday, April 16, 2017

The world is getting smaller..

Ce korang zoom

I visited my sister. Jiran depan rumah datang.
"Ada homework? Cepat mintak tolong Mak Andak" mak dia cakap..

Mak Andak expect latihan konvensional, fill in the blanks. Atau paling hebat rearrange sentences.

Dia bawa sehelai kertas je.
" Beza turtle and tortoise Mak Andak..." dia kzta..

"Let us start with size" nampak... buying time.

I dont even know the exact size. Let alone other distinct differences

"What about shapes, feet, habitat and diet?" Mak Andak tanya lagi...
Sudahnya buka google.

Shamina baru Derjah 4 kot...

Saturday, April 15, 2017

The World is Your classroom katanya...

"Do you have the problem with the students?",  an officer asked.

"Nope!", saya jawab pendek. Lecturer saya ajar the A-class teacher can handle even the most difficult student.  Since the first day teaching, my target is A+. 😂

"They are very good!", the officer after a brief meet.
"They are, told u!", saya ulang semula, sebelum tu saya dah beritahu. Mokcik bab marketing memang tak menahan...

"Kalau nak beat sekolah tu memang tahun ni lah.. ThIs batch is awfully good", nampak mokcik punya ayat.

It is an open secret sekolah tu is our rival.  Asal keluar result je, the first thing we did was checking their result. Setakat ni memang tak pernah menang. To make matter worst, 2016 they got 82%. Menangis di bucu katil la mokcik when ours is merely below 75% ( cehhh misleading figure)

Padahal cikgu derang pergi kursus sama mokcik, tidur sebilik, makan sepinggan. We r besties ok...

Yang dia apply, mokcik pun applied, tu yang mokcik rasa kenot brain tu...

"No man is an Island", tegur one of d visitors on her end of last year. If you keep thinking on your own class, n kelas yang lain sorang pun tak lulus, sampai bila yu mimpi sajalah norizan.
Gitu kot dia kata, tapi mokcik terus tak lalu makan.

Jadi this year, mokcik tetap dengan misi nak beat d rival school. Kalau ada drama awal2 mokcik cantas.

When Fid complained she could not teach certain class for certain reasons, mokcik tadah leher dan sanggup jadi galang ganti.

When d sponsors tanya what we need, u bet, mesti mokcik kasi permintaan yg memang menjurus ke arah menangis (air mata gembira) bersama.

But then when I heard someone do extra class for Errr my class, forgive me for feeling a bit annoyed.

"Nothing personal ok. I m just worried, kalau dia bagi tuisyen for my class, kelas dia sendiri tu siapa yang akan jaga?" saya tanya pada the officer.

Dia geleng.

"Then, d 2016 history will be repeated. No point of working hard!", mokcik Serious stressed out.

"Solve it lorr", dia kata.
"Please I need your favour", saya minta. Sangat2.

I wanted to be on top badly. Real bad.
Ever Since saya tengok Zeda menangis on hari dapat result,  mokcik menangis juga dalam hati.
Zeda menangis sebab ada sorang failed Sains, so x dapat 100%.
Mokcik nangis sebab jangan kata 100% nak beat d rival school tu pun tak pernah.

Bila sebut rival, janganlah bayangkan kitaorang bertarik rambut bagai ye. Then, when I wrote about the tuition class, doesnt mean d Kids n I have any bad blood. Dengan cikgu tuition tu pun mokcik sangat penuh kasih sayang, I understand his feelings.

As I wrote up there mokcik tak layan drama. Focus on d ultimate goal katanya...

"One of the ways to get good grade,  d choice of words must be precised", mokcik gigih ingatkan mereka. I made them read the newspaper on Thursday.

Whatttttt?
I can see some Kids think I was a slack. Tetiba suruh baca suratkhabar dah kenapa?
Guessed they started comparing haha..


On Friday we started build up an activity. Break into few cubes, easier to digest.
They stumbled for words,  the terms.

Collide or crash?

First timer mehhh.. No need to be too harsh.
Options are given
1. Tengok tv n listen how they describe d accident
2. read news on accident, n identify words describing various the grimness of it
3. Pergi balai polis, minta polis tu describing any accident they handle dalam bahasa Arab.

The looked at me like I was imbecile.

" Come on. When u were in Form 1, there was a chapter on accident with paper-cutting report.  Remember?" mokcik tanya.

Mereka angguk.
Masa Form One tu mokcik juga cikgu derang okeh...

"Now in Form 5, the World is Your classroom", mokcik cakap so like President Trump gitu.

Like Trump, who believed he can do anything,  mokcik juga harap d Kids percaya kata2 mokcik dan start thinking big.

It is so hard to live with people yang so pesimistic.  Yang bila ada sorang lulus, dia ble petik sebab tu jasa dia berdoa depan Kaabah, yang bila kita share New teaching Method dia senyum sinis sambil merungut dikantin, bila school-based exam bocorkan soalan so that the Kids tertipu dengan ability yang diautakan. Bila kita komplen, dia playing victims n tag team pulaukan dan siap pula discredit kita depan d Kids.

Whattttthehellyberryisdat?

Thanks God, d cikgu tuisyen is nothing like that. He has integrity,  he won my vote.

If I have power,  sesiapa sahaja minta apapun,  mokcik akan kasi. Unfortunately,  I m just a poor babysitter.
Impian setinggi langit, tapi.....

Mungkin kalau mokcik ingatkan all d Kids about world-classroom they will know, teachers come n go, sijil spm nanti cuma ada nama derang n d father je.

If u know what I mean...


Cook, jog and bake

I havent cook for quite sometimes.
Tapi niat tu sentiasa ada.

I havent jog for almost 2 months now. My schedule is so crazy...

Ever Since d sponsor came n asked for 2016 report, my bosses asal jumpa je duk tanya..
"report dah Hantar?"
Saya boleh pilih nak sentap dan tak mau buat, ye lah apsal sekarang baru cakap nak report???? Dulu tak mintak pun...
Tapi apa pekdahnya? Silap2 nanti dia tarik semula sponsor.
Tu yang mana mokcik balik pukul 6 tu nak buat proposal,  report n what-nots utk next week Charity project, an event dan semak buku d Kids.

Celah mana nak jog?

I like baking too.
One of my happiest times is when d Kids berkejar nak ambik cupcake yang saya bawa during morning assembly.
Kejar sebab free, taste memang ke laut dalam.

I longed for d time saya betul2 jadi babysitter. Pukul 2 petang,  buku dah habis semak,  lesson plan memang tip top n i have more time to help d Kids in school.
Yang penting saya balik pukul 2 petang masa tu. Sharp!

Hujung minggu saya pergi shopping, cuti sekolah boleh g holiday dengan anak-anak sedara.

I can cook, jog n bake to heart's desire.

Yesterday at 3.45 p.n Fizo came for mural discussion. Initially we allocated RM300 for d paints, but he hinted that is unrealistic. He got his points though, but we had tight budget.

Previously. Yati said instead of Cash, only LO will  be issued. She was quite hot hahaha... Because that is d procedure she stated firmly. I understands d procedure well, but can they finish everything ASAP? The bus driver said if it took more than one Month to get d money, he wants extra RM100.

It is not just d money yang saya risaukan. Guna duit gomen extra RM100 sebagai saguhati lewat dapat bayaran  pada saya is a no-no. I dont care if People says it is common practice.  Saya tak suka. Saya tak mahu terlibat dalam pecah amanah.  Period.  Tapi program kena jalan juga.

My mind working overtime thinking ways on how to get d money on time to avoid any emotional conflict which will scar me for life. I took any breach of trust seriously..

At    2.47pm I sent an email to finalise d contingent. That was after a week of pusing keliling cari nak pinjam kenderaan kerajaan gagal.

4.25 I emailed d report to d sponsor. D hardcopy will follow later. At 5.15 d proposal for Reading Clinic is ready for d bosses kind perusal. N texted d bosses, jadi xderla derang gigih bertanya lagi

Then,  I marked d books.

So yes, I cant wait for everything to be over. I want to do things I love.

Cook
Jog
Bake
😥😥