Friday, April 04, 2008

bitter week

except 4 d gud news fr immediate boss, this week really hampeh.. here few anecdotes.

It was March 31, hari menutup akaun and d start of audit season. Supplier rep came while i was in d beginning of explaining task for kids wic at d end of previous lessons under self evaluation column, i wrote "uphill battle".

It was a struggling effort. Gayat je nak tinggalkan.

Was right. Few boys berwrestling after my period. Even when I was there, bertempik sorak suh diorang berenti, diorang still terus gak bergaduh. Tried to pacify them, tp dgn saya2 pun diorang marah sekali... uishhhhhhh...

Sy ingat pesan Kak Sal masa sy mula kerja thn 2000 dulu
1. jgn menangis dpn kids.
2. jgn halau kids keluar kelas
3. mcm mana marah pun ingat, diorang tu cuma budak2 je, pujuk diorang spy jadi baik

"diorang kata i pilih kasih yang" adu sy dgn air mata yg mcm x nak kering masa tu.

(for d record, its so convenient to call everybody yang, so u don hv to remember names. one name cater for all)

"napa diorang ckp u mcm tu yang?" soalnya kembali.

"there's a boy named Haz, and he is illiterate, so i always gave him easier exercise and extra attention. There r 4 others who cant read in that class too, i did d same jugak. The other gang felt like i was pilih kasih. Cakap pun kasar2.. i m so down.. wat 2 do eh?"

yang gave me few great advice.

but then, ever since reading a journal long time ago something to do with what kids look for in a teacher, i've decided to be fair and just. i tot i succeed, it hurt me deeply when d boys hurled abuse at me. nothing hurt more than being accused "pilih kasih".

i tried to see d bright side, tp x nampak2. kalau x ingatkan hutang yg keliling pinggang tu, mlm tu jugak sy nak quit.

and i cried myself to sleep. hancur betul hati saya masa tu...

hours later br sy realised pesan kak sal #3.

Something so d very weird happen. Tak tau sapa yg lebih konpius, sy ke org tu.

very disturbing. i dunno whether i m glad or sad.

one thing for sure i m very disturbed abt it.

wont talk abt it to a soul either.

norizan adnan mmg kaki komplen. during an important meeting when d chairman questioned what hv i done so far, he was in for great surprise.

"x buat apa2 lagi" was my reply.

"xkan xder?" he was getting annoyed, at least i think he was, if i were in his shoes i'll definitely bakar je org yg kasi jawapan cenggitu jugak..

"yg dah sy buat berkaitan dengan xxxxxx? errr mintak maaf setakat ini belum lagi insyaAllah sy akan buat".

i was caught red-handed. sy cuba buat muka x bersalah, tp jauh disudut hati sy rasa tertekan yg amat sgt. kenapala sy cuai?

later, after d meeting when my immediate boss said apsal x ckp we did ab, cd, ef... i asked him, boleh ke ckp mcm tu? i mean its not 100% my effort...

blur betul la...

but then i was a bit ternganga when someone mentioned that among her project is XYZ... i dont remember she lend a hand. afterall for d past months i've been spending all my free time menyiapkan that project. for past 2 weeks i had endured menebalkan-muka giving class2class motivational talk and my partner, fiza did d same thing too for diff classes.

masa bila plak dia masuk dlm ini pilem?

pening kepala makcikla.. being d first timer in that comittee, guess there r many things i shud learn, and learn very fast.

glad i have a great bunch of frens.

1. my immediate boss - promised to guide me.
2. kak sha - my ex-immediate boss - oredi gave me few tips
3. kak sal - my next-table-fren - i'll give u d details said her
4. lan - lerrr... senang je jan, aku dah buat mcm2 dah dulu kak sha ajo, katanya...

so itulah ceritanya... i m glad i m surrounded by beautiful ppls. lap u all...

Gud thing - a splendid feast sponsored by kengkawan. lap u (kali kedua)
bad things - banyak...

i just realised how horrible i was when a girl, while kissing my hand, pat my shoulder and whispered, "ce* sabar.. janganlah marah2 sangat"..

looking sheepish at her.. i wished her a happy weekend..

and a happy weekend to myself too..

even i know i wont be happy coz i'll hv a course on sat and a class on sunday.

i think i need a break. i always wanted to go to cambodea or maybe papua. i dunno..

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