Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Bunga2...

Pernah x korang sent e-mail pukul 4 pagi?
Saya buat. Dengan air mata yang x mau kering kekdahnya...

Nothing personal, biasala mokcik cepat nangis bila digasak kiri n kanan.

Si A cakap, " x boleh... X ikut SOP"
si B cakap, " Kenapa x boleh? Upper echelon pun beri kenapa yg Cikai2 kata x boleh pulak?"
Si C cakap, " Saya dah cuba tolong"

Saya duduk n menangis.
Rasa mcm nak nyanyi je, " pernah kah kau terfikir seketika, berada di tempat ku.."

Come on. 
In 10 years time, ni la baru first time nak buat. D organisation is in dire need of Change to prosper.

Few people approached me. I m gud enough in identify ppl yg tanya sebab nak bergosip atau genuinely to help.
In my position, I avoided gossip sebab takder apa pun yang nak didramakan.

I was right when dis morning a person told me, ada org tanya dia if d program jadi or not. Instantly I know, mereka bergosip di belakang.

" beritahulah kalau ada apa2 nak tolong ", dia cakap. Saya tengok je kecik besar kecik besar.
Mohtip sgt nak bergosip.

Tolonglah faham.
In my position, ada baaanyakkkk hati yang perlu saya jaga, kerana mereka pun in d past sangat menjaga hati saya juga.
Ada banyak air muka orang yang perlu saya fikirkan.
kerana in d past, mereka pun seboleh mungkin menjaga air muka saya di khalayak juga.

Yang tak menahan, bila saya tidak bercakap, mereka bergosip kononnya saya ini tidak mahu berkawan, kera sumbang dan ikut kepala sendiri saja.
Macamlah umpatan mereka tu kalis neraka.

Yang seronoknya, ramai pula la yg x tentu hujung pangkal masuk kem.
Yang sebuk nak beri nasihat pun ramai.
Yang sibuk nak tunjuk baik,  ehhh beritahulah apa nak tolong pun ramai juga.
Padahal, kerja mereka sendiri pun tidak selesai, bila saya tegur n minta selesaikan, mengadu pula ke sana ke mari.

Mokcik sangat fed up.

Malam ini pukul 10.49 makcik terima e-mail.
Nangiss..
Somehow.. I failed her...
Tak, ayatnya murni2 saja. Tapi saya still rasa hopeless.

Pukul 11.48 p.m. another e-mail.
Saya baca dan faham. Saya cuba. Dia kata lagi.

Saya tak nangis dah.
Terbayang bunga-bunga harapan di situ.
Tapi saya harus kunci mulut juga. Kalau dah ada hitam putih, barulah boleh canang.
Haishhhh...

Kalau jadi, nxt week wud b hectic.
Tapi working with equally hardworking ppl, saya x risau sgt.
Fuss free People.

Macai makan dedak ni saya x berapa tahan.
Geng Lindungan Kaabah lagi menyusahkan.  parasit.
Kalau saya x fikir d Kids, memang saya baling tong dedak kat muka sorang2..

Yang, wud u prepare all these stuff? Saya tanya cenggitu je dgn d Kids, chances, everything wud b in place.
So?

Kenapa diorang x pernah terfikir macam Siti Nurhaliza

Andai kau jujur memahami
Tidakku menjauhi....



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