Friday, February 03, 2017

awak tahu, kita tahu, Dia tahu

I was on d way with someone. We were talking about something,  when d idea crossed my mind.

" text Xxx, he might know" I suggested.  " make it sounds like I asked". Penting.

" waa lajunya balas..." dat particular someone comment, because it is an open secret orang tu tak berapa sudi melayan pun, or in other way he portrayed himself ti all as someone who did not pick up call or reply text. 😂

  "still typing tu", dia sambung, while fixed on d wide screen.

I kept quiet. Something just not right. I mean...

" Ni gambar masa bila?", dia tanya, sambil tunjukkan gambar yang saya kirimkan sebab mengusik Xxx.
Goshhh... Dia baca all d messages?

"tu gambar tipu. Someone edited it, looked, I even Puť on d nametag", saya cakap takut2.

Later at night saya scrolled up all our previous conversation. Obviously d pic was 2,3 weeks old. How come dat particular someone can see it, if not dia purpose scrolled.

Well.. We have been quite chatty lately. We hv restored previous 'cordial' phase.

It is only because of  two things.
He is trying to buy me or I am trying to buy him.
Either way, both r deadly.

ThIs 'cordial' thingy is really scared me off.
We used to be that,  before d backstabbing n humiliated treatment kicked off.

I remembered d night I wept to sleep n d  years I spent in humiliation.
I remembered it all because up to now,  I still had nightmares.

As I scrolled up d texts, I realised, we r repeating d old patterns,  before long we will go to ' rahsia kita berdua phase again'.
Next, comes d stormy phase, tears n fears, day n night.

Kadang2 saya tertanya2, ada tak orang yang jujur macam Jie, memberi tak pernah harap balasan, sentiasa bermanis muka walaupun dalam kesukaran, sentiasa setia dan tak pernah tinggalkan kawannya ini, walaupun dikelilingi oleh org kaya dan berjaya, sentiasa mendorong saya untuk jadi lebih baik dan on top of all, always willing to help me out whenever I need him d most.

Saya fikir takkan ada.
Lama dahulu, bila saya agak stress tentang sesuatu,  saya beritahu Jie.
" Now delete all his messages", he said.
"Jangan nak simpan dan baca lagi"  dia tambah.

How does he know?
Saya tanya dalam hati

But I did as asked. The memory just vanished.
ThIs time around, I keep trying.
To no avail.

Years ago I thought it was faded

Unfortunately I was wrong.It been years.
Why cant it just gone?

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